benet83: Kate just asked me to quit my job the other day.
>>: For what?
benet83: She said it’s making me depressed.
>>: I think she's right.
benet83: I know.
>>: What about you? Do you think you're depressed?
benet83: I think so. I don't know why. I don’t know if it’s just because I spent so much time at work, or if it’s just because I don’t know what else I could do.
>>: I think those two things are linked.
benet83: It’s like I am only depressed because I spend a lot of time in the office and feel like I have no other options.
>>: yea, but I always thought I will just get used to it.
benet83: There is no way my future looks like now…
>>: What do you mean?
benet83: Well, like, out of all these people, I wonder if I will ever be like them.
>>: I see, I'm not even sure if I want to be like them...
benet83: Because they are not even themselves anymore…
>>: But people change. Who's to say how they are and aren't?
benet83: Like I just can't picture it…
benet83: Kate just asked me to quit my job the other day.
>>: For what?
benet83: She said it’s making me depressed.
>>: Seriously? Are you depressed?
benet83: Yeah, she’s right.
>>: Is it from work?
benet83: Well it's from a bunch of different things
>>: Have you talked to anyone about this?
benet83: No, I just told Kate.
>>: What about your job? are you quitting?
benet83: Yeah
>>: That's nice, take some time off.
benet83: I wish I could.
>>: Isn't that your plan?
benet83: Yeah, I would love to travel and do something else.
>>: Well I hope you'll feel better after your trip.
benet83: I hope so i'm just going to drink a bunch of boxed wine and go to a Chinese restaurant later
benet83: I just don’t understand why I was asked to stay after my work hours.
>>: Are you at least getting compensated?
benet83: I am not sure, and I’m just too tired to ask.
>>: I think you should.
benet83: You’re right.
>>: How long have you been working like this?
benet83: I have been doing this duty for the past three years.
>>: And how long have you been working after hours?
benet83: In the past month only, but it already seems like forever!
>>: I bet, Is this happening across your team?
benet83: Well, not all of us are asked to stay, but only some of my coworkers and I, about two people.
>>: What are you guys working on?
benet83: Our current project is helping the police officers on the northern pacific coast.
>>: To do what?
benet83: To set up the legal framework and guidelines for them to investigate the prohibited people.
>>: What do you mean prohibited people?
benet83: Non-government people.
>>: Can you elaborate?
benet83: Sure, Well, there are many groups like us, but not exactly like us, or maybe different versions of our idea.
>>: Am I considered a non-government person?
benet83: Yes, you are.
benet83: I just don’t understand why I was asked to stay after my work hours.
>>: Are you at least getting compensated?
benet83: I am not sure, and I’m just too tired to ask.
>>: Well you should.
benet83: Yes I should, I know, but I have to pack my stuff too.
>>: How long have you been working after hours?
benet83: For weeks.
>>: Is this like the norm?
benet83: It’s getting to be that way.
>>: When do you usually get off work these days?
benet83: I’m usually asked to stay half an hour extra. It gets on my nerves..
>>: Is this happening across all of your team members?
benet83: Not at all, it’s mostly only happening to me.
>>: That's just absurd.
benet83: I think it’s the floor manager..
>>: Why?
benet83: I think she wants to up her domination and get more power in her hand.
>>: by asking you to work overtime?
benet83: Yes, it’s her way to get more authority
>>: When was this?
benet83: Sunday afternoon I think, or is it Saturday?
>>: Were you alone?
benet83: No, I remember seeing my mom, in the park, but younger.
>>: younger?
benet83: Yeah I remember being very small.
>>: how old were you then?
benet83: I think I was 2 years oldI'm in a long white gravel driveway that leads to a country house. It is a nighttime, moonlit scene and the house is originally white with a brown roof--smaller, simpler, and under one story. The house has had various boards, chapters of its memoirs, knocked off over the years, but still keeps its shape.
>>: where is your mom now?
benet83: I'm heading into the house.
>>: who are you?
benet83: I'm your neighbor's neighbor. I'm in a quiet suburban area, like
>>: I don't know you.
benet83: ...
>>: When was this?
benet83: Sunday afternoon I think, or is it Saturday?
>>: Were you alone?
benet83: No, I remember seeing my mom, in the park, but younger.
>>: how old is she?
benet83: ...
>>: was your mom alone?
benet83: I think yes, yeah she was…
>>: what was she doing when you saw her?
benet83: She was eating some blueberries, something blue …
>>: did she enjoy eating?
benet83: Yes, yes I think she did, she did…
>>: how was the weather?
benet83: Sunny …
>>: When was this?
benet83: Sunday afternoon I think, or is it Saturday?
>>: Were you alone?
benet83: No, I remember seeing my mom, in the park, but younger.
>>: what happened?
benet83: We colored on the grass with crayons and then had a conversation about reality and making dreams come true, I think.
>>: What did you do next?
benet83: I checked my e-mail and only found spam from celebrities
>>: Any dirty little secrets?
benet83: Yes, I miss the summers in Phoenix because the summers in Cali are so hot.
>>: that's not too dirty. what about something darker?
benet83: It's too weird though, and I would probably be very embarrased
>>: Go on. It's okay.
benet83: Okay, but it's embarrasing…
>>: Try me.
benet83: Well, I realized that, I feel like a geek.
>>: what kind of geek?
benet83: well, specifically I go to sci fi conventions and buy weird geeky looking clothes, but that's just me being insecure
>>: yeah i like to do those things too and i think they are cool.
benet83: …I sleep with a stuffed animal. a crazy toy
>>: Crazy toy?
benet83: well it's this thing that is a furry machine that was introduced to me by Will Smith and it actually has wikipedia entries
>>: was this before or after he hit chris rock?
benet83: I thought you were gonna say before or after he got divorced…. I guess it was the same time.
>>: Go on. It's okay.
benet83: Sunny …
>>: Go on. It's okay.
benet83: Sunny …
>>: When was this?
benet83: Sunday afternoon I think, or is it Saturday?
>>: Were you alone?
benet83: No, I remember seeing my mom, in the park, but younger.
>>: What happened?
benet83: The usual, she died.
>>: Did you talk to her?
benet83: No. Maybe about 2-3 minutes and then she died.
>>: I’m sorry..
benet83: So was I, until I realized a couple of things.
>>: What things?
benet83: First, it was more pleasant than last time, as in more somber. This made me glad. The other thing is we realized another important thing. I'm at a point in my life I honestly think knowing these things is better than not, as in it sort of helps me know how to set goals, accept them, etc.